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Marriage is work
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JBMason
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Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 387
Location: Lexington KY

PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 3:59 pm    Post subject: Marriage is work Reply with quote

This morning at Starbucks I was having a chat with my neighbor friend Mary Ann, and we were discussing our relationships as usual. I pointed out that I am in total laziness mode right now, which means that I will probably not look for a girlfriend or wife, since relationships require work.

I told Mary Ann a story from last year when one of my clients was describing married life to me, and he said, "if you don't like work, don't get married; marriage is work."

Here's the thing. Mary Ann is married, and she tells me that a marriage does not have to be "work." So I am turning to y'all for thoughts on this matter...
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So Brett, lemme ax you dis... how much do you like your line of "work"? You set your own schedule and your own rates and it's taken you however many years you've put into it to make it your own so that you would enjoy your income-producing occupation. If you hadn't kept at it to make it something you enjoy you'd have quit by now to find something else, because you don't believe work should be work, right? By the same token, why should marriage (or anything pleasant) be work? If you love another person, and that person loves you, then when you hit bad patches in the marriage, if you both think it's worth getting through the bad patch, then you each put in whatever work you need to to get to the other side. If only one of you is working on getting through, then it ABSOLUTELY is work. Otherwise, you both have a common goal of making that patch part of your history together that you'll be able to laugh about later, and laughter should NEVER be work.

That's my answer. My marriage was fantastic until the previous wife gave us a broken child to raise. Neither of us knew how to do that, and in expending all our energies to produce a healed person, the marriage became work because only one of us was working on it. That's why I live in LA. So I no longer have to work. I love my job(s) because they're fun. My relationships are fantastic because they're fun. I NEVER work.

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"The same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!"
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Marriage is not work, it is commitment. Look at your mother and I. She put up with my midlife crisis, and I put up with her Bipolar manic episodes. I loved her and still do. Love is making the sacrifice for the others well being, just like true friends. Together through thick and thin.

Dad
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MaryAnn



Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 24
Location: Lexington, KY

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 3:07 pm    Post subject: my first post Reply with quote

I feel compelled to reply to this topic, since I got Brett started on it. I should say up front that I am about to get divorced, so I am no expert on staying married. But I do agree with Emelle that it's not work when both people are moving toward a common goal. It's more like a team project. And Jerry is right, too -- it is about commitment. Unfortunately, my husband did not want to commit. And I was guilty of pretending that he did, in order to make myself feel better. Then there was some bipolar illness, drug addiction, verbal abuse and enabling thrown in the mix, and presto-chango! I am about to be single again, which gives me lots more time to spy on the man-about-town nextdoor. Cool
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 3:55 pm    Post subject: my eighty-seventh post Reply with quote

Welcome to the forum, Mary Ann! I keep waiting for my friend Vik to show up...
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"The same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!"
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:36 pm    Post subject: Re: my first post Reply with quote

Welcome, Keep Brett straight for us . Thanks

MaryAnn wrote:
I But I do agree with Emelle that it's not work when both people are moving toward a common goal. It's more like a team project. And Jerry is right, too -- it is about commitment. I am about to be single again, which gives me lots more time to spy on the man-about-town nextdoor. 8)

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The hardest thing to learn is:
Which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Live Free or Die trying
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JBMason
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Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 387
Location: Lexington KY

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:06 pm    Post subject: Re: my first post Reply with quote

MaryAnn wrote:
Then there was some bipolar illness, drug addiction, verbal abuse and enabling thrown in the mix, and presto-chango! I am about to be single again, which gives me lots more time to spy on the man-about-town nextdoor. Cool


Dear Mary Ann,

I think I should mention that this is a global forum on the world wide web. Anybody anywhere, including the Google and Yahoo spiders, can find it and read it, so it pays to be cautious about personal info.

Which means: no tattling on the studmuffin next door! We don't want the French girls in la Cote d'Azur to swoon from stories of my awesomeness!

Enthusiastically,
Brett
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JBMason
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Joined: 27 May 2007
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Location: Lexington KY

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:08 pm    Post subject: Re: my eighty-seventh post Reply with quote

emelle wrote:
Welcome to the forum, Mary Ann! I keep waiting for my friend Vik to show up...


I keep waiting for my Indiana friend Kari to show up so that I can close the registration area again.

see Kari here: http://photos.lexjb.com/v/2007/
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JBMason
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:17 pm    Post subject: Re: my first post Reply with quote

Dad wrote:
Keep Brett straight for us . Thanks


Even though I'm a guy who enjoys ballet and ballroom dancing and walking through Fayette Mall in my spare time, I have always been and will always be straight. It's a common mistake that people believe something different than that, but I suppose that's what happens when you have a high voice and you choose to sing Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey songs on the karaoke stage.
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 11:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dad wrote:
Keep Brett straight for us . Thanks

JBMason wrote:
I have always been and will always be straight.


You know that's not what Daddy was talking about, but I do find it disturbing that when giving directions in LA, you can't say "go straight for 3 blocks then..." but rather you have to say "go forward". It's weird that straight used to mean "not crooked" and now means "not gay"... then again, "gay" used to mean "happy". Rolling Eyes
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"What shall we do today, Brain?"
"The same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!"
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 10:59 am    Post subject: Re: my first post Reply with quote

Straight as in on the "straight and narrow" . No other conclusions should be drawn.




JBMason wrote:
Dad wrote:
Keep Brett straight for us . Thanks


Even though I'm a guy who enjoys ballet and ballroom dancing and walking through Fayette Mall in my spare time, I have always been and will always be straight. It's a common mistake that people believe something different than that, but I suppose that's what happens when you have a high voice and you choose to sing Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey songs on the karaoke stage.

_________________
The hardest thing to learn is:
Which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Live Free or Die trying
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MaryAnn



Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 24
Location: Lexington, KY

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 1:57 pm    Post subject: I will try Reply with quote

...to keep JB on the straight and narrow, but usually it's the other way around. He chastised me the other day for being 10 minutes late to watch a downloaded episode of the Daily Show with him! And, he refused to believe the sincerity of my apology! His Myers-Briggs personality type ain't called the "Fieldmaster" for nothin, I guess.

When you close the registration, Brett, does that mean the forum becomes viewable only by members?

For those of you who have not witnessed this side of him: JB is an incorrigible flirt with women. Once we were at a theater waiting for a movie to start, and a very attractive woman walked up to the seat next to him. He immediately sat up in his chair and said, "Well, Hel-lo!" in a cheesy voice. She ignored him and sat down, while I tried to pretend that I didn't know who he was. A few minutes later her very large boyfriend joined her, so JB's hopes were dashed.

M.A.
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 2:25 pm    Post subject: Re: I will try Reply with quote

Our Family each have their quirks. We may argue but we do all love each other.


MaryAnn wrote:
...to keep JB on the straight and narrow, but usually it's the other way around. He chastised me the other day for being 10 minutes late to watch a downloaded episode of the Daily Show with him! And, he refused to believe the sincerity of my apology! His Myers-Briggs personality type ain't called the "Fieldmaster" for nothin, I guess.

When you close the registration, Brett, does that mean the forum becomes viewable only by members?

For those of you who have not witnessed this side of him: JB is an incorrigible flirt with women. Once we were at a theater waiting for a movie to start, and a very attractive woman walked up to the seat next to him. He immediately sat up in his chair and said, "Well, Hel-lo!" in a cheesy voice. She ignored him and sat down, while I tried to pretend that I didn't know who he was. A few minutes later her very large boyfriend joined her, so JB's hopes were dashed.

M.A.

_________________
The hardest thing to learn is:
Which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Live Free or Die trying
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JBMason
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Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 387
Location: Lexington KY

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 6:48 pm    Post subject: Re: I will try Reply with quote

MaryAnn wrote:
When you close the registration, Brett, does that mean the forum becomes viewable only by members?


Good question, and the answer is no. My forums will remain public; anyone can read them (including search engines). That is how I roll.

When I "close registrations," I simply prevent spammers from signing up and putting their spammy links into their profiles or into new spammy discussion topics.
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dad wrote:
Our Family each have their quirks. We may argue but we do all love each other.


Daddy, I have a feeling that the only reason you include a whole long quote from the previous post (since you rarely edit them down to what you specifically are referencing) is that the buttons at the bottom of the page, i.e.:
"newtopic" "postreply" talk.LexJB.com Forum Index -> Holla back
are too close together, and you once created a new topic rather than posting a reply. You can always undo what you've done, if you don't hit "submit"... or even after you submit your post, you can immediately edit it until someone replies to it.

I LOVE YOU!!!

_________________
"What shall we do today, Brain?"
"The same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!"
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MaryAnn



Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 24
Location: Lexington, KY

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 7:23 pm    Post subject: Re: I will try Reply with quote

Dad wrote:
Our Family each have their quirks. We may argue but we do all love each other.


Amen to that! My family members (and my friends) continue to love me despite my quirk of filling my house with as many dogs and cats as possible. Right now I have only 5 dogs downstairs and 3 cats upstairs. It feels eerily calm. (I wonder if they're plotting something.) They all have their quirks, too. For example, Tracey, one of the dogs, loves to eat towels. Not just chew, but actually consume. Another dog likes to greet me by rubbing her face on mine. It's very important to her that our cheekbones make contact.

M.A.
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 9:14 pm    Post subject: Re: I will try Reply with quote

Aha so that is why you started a new topic. Good for you girl. Remember you can't grow to be big and strong like Popeye if you don't eat your spinach!
Don't worry, it will make sense to everyone else when you see her new topic.

MaryAnn wrote:

Amen to that! My family members (and my friends) continue to love me despite my quirk of filling my house with as many dogs and cats as possible. Right now I have only 5 dogs downstairs and 3 cats upstairs. It feels eerily calm. (I wonder if they're plotting something.) They all have their quirks, too. For example, Tracey, one of the dogs, loves to eat towels. Not just chew, but actually consume. Another dog likes to greet me by rubbing her face on mine. It's very important to her that our cheekbones make contact.

M.A.

_________________
The hardest thing to learn is:
Which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Live Free or Die trying
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 11:56 pm    Post subject: Re: I will try Reply with quote

MaryAnn wrote:
Right now I have only 5 dogs downstairs and 3 cats upstairs. It feels eerily calm. (I wonder if they're plotting something.)


Quick, someone who has Mary Ann's email address, forward her the dog and cat diary page!
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"What shall we do today, Brain?"
"The same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!"
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JBMason
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Location: Lexington KY

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why would you need email when you have a discussion forum? And why would anyone need to get forwarded crap in their inboxes when they have Google and can find whatever goofiness they want?
http://www.google.com/search?q=dog+cat+diary

Small note to Dad: Mary Ann hates it when I refer to women as girls, which you just did. Maybe I got it from you.
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MROWR! Down, Boy! Someone is snarky first thing in the morning! Maybe he should learn something else from Daddy, and not interact with other people until after his second cup of coffee... (I know you don't drink it anymore, Daddy, but the behavior is definitely something WE learned to respond to, like not playing in the house when Mommy was napping).

I won't speak directly for Mary Ann, but most WOMEN I know prefer not to be referred to as a group as GIRLS. "You go, girl" is not demeaning, it's actually more like "Good job, buddy". FYI from my perspective as a woman/lady/girl...

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"What shall we do today, Brain?"
"The same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!"
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JBMason
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 9:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

emelle wrote:
Someone is snarky first thing in the morning!


Not me. In my head, I did not have a snarky tone of voice for my last post. (Since I never use smilies or emoticons, you don't know when I'm just presenting information in a neutral, matter-of-fact way.)

Was it the word "crap" that made you think I am snarky? My bad. In Brett-land, goofy jokes that become overemailed and hyperforwarded are crap / a waste of bandwidth.
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hloaroo



Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 68

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 12:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would agree that marriage is work. It's a choice you make. You don't stay together year after year because you have a "warm fuzzy" feeling day in and day out. You stay together because you chose to be committed to each other and to the relationship. However, as I've also heard people say about raising kids, it's totally worth it. Smile
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MaryAnn



Joined: 21 Jun 2007
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Location: Lexington, KY

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 4:31 pm    Post subject: dogs v. cats Reply with quote

emelle wrote:

Quick, someone who has Mary Ann's email address, forward her the dog and cat diary page!


I love those diaries! My dogs would probably also include something about trying to steal socks, food and chapstick.

Emelle is right, I don't object to the use of 'girl' as in, "Girl, you crazy!" Only when adults (usually men) say things like, "I met a really hot girl at the bar," and they're talking about a female human who is 30 years old. Wink
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emelle



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Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:25 pm    Post subject: MY 100TH POST! WOO HOO!!!!! Reply with quote

Girl, your dogs so crazy. Wink

Thank you for the avatar! You rock!

Small note to Brett: I picked up snarkiness in the tone of the whole post, not just in your use of the word "crap". I don't generally care for forwarded emails, but the dog and cat diaries would never have found their way onto my PC unless Daddy had forwarded them, because I wouldn't have known to search for them (and probably wouldn't have searched for them because my Google searches are really limited to things that I NEED). I forgive Daddy for forwarding me crap because he has no short-term memory of the fact that I constantly request that he take me off his crap-email-forward list. Now that we have this forum, maybe Daddy will create a new topic (if he remembers how to) regarding goofy crap emails that he'd rather forward...

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"The same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!"
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MaryAnn



Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 24
Location: Lexington, KY

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 9:01 am    Post subject: Re: MY 100TH POST! WOO HOO!!!!! Reply with quote

emelle wrote:
I forgive Daddy for forwarding me crap because he has no short-term memory of the fact that I constantly request that he take me off his crap-email-forward list.


I think getting goofy crap e-mails is better than getting newspaper clippings. I could wallpaper a room with the articles my mom has given me. But I don't have the heart to tell her that I don't want get them anymore. It seems to be one of her joys in life.
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