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Email crap that I love
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 10:24 pm    Post subject: Email crap that I love Reply with quote

I will only post crap that I think is relevant, if I remember. Speaking of memory. I am trying to get my math skills back. I visit a pre-algebra math site each day review where I have been and go on to the next. It comes back easy I just hope to retain enough to get my GED to supplement my 10 years of college.(Joke).
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, Daddy, this is not where you post RELEVANT stuff. This is where you post would-be FUNNY stuff that you're already forwarding to your list of would-be FUNNY stuff recipients. Like the dog-and-cat-diaries, which was in fact FUNNY because it was so true, like, say, the Get Fuzzy comic strip, and the "Wisdom" crap you sent recently, which was NOT funny, but which I referenced in a response to you in the animal testing and veganism thread.

RELEVANT stuff goes under topics that it's RELEVANT to.

Very Happy
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"The same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!"
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JBMason
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Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 387
Location: Lexington KY

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 8:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I will start us off!

If you like The Onion, you'll love this link:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33330
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent, Brett! Good job! I wonder if Daddy will get why that link is funny... well, he might get it, but he probably won't remember it, and end up forwarding that to his crap-forwarding email list! But we love him anyway.

We do, Daddy. We all do.

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"The same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!"
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 3:08 pm    Post subject: I get it Reply with quote

Very subtle Brett, where did you get my picture to put at the top?

Love you all, forgetful dad
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 3:57 pm    Post subject: 4th of July Reply with quote

CLICK TO SEE THE MOST INCREDIBLE 4th of July ECARD!
http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=1545489532
Very well done,with sound.
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dating Rituals.
Removed by me too long.
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The hardest thing to learn is:
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Live Free or Die trying


Last edited by Dad on Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

removed by me too long.
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The hardest thing to learn is:
Which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Live Free or Die trying


Last edited by Dad on Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 9:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

During a commercial airline flight a Navy Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Navy Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed........

"Damn!........ And all these years I've been chewing gum."
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 10:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cialis parody

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/63067/detail/
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 10:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Honeymoon Willie
removed by me too long.
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Live Free or Die trying


Last edited by Dad on Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 1:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

removed by me too long.
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The hardest thing to learn is:
Which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Live Free or Die trying


Last edited by Dad on Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:23 pm; edited 1 time in total
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netgeek64



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 116
Location: Fairbanks, AK

PostPosted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:50 pm    Post subject: just adding to the crap Reply with quote

Moses and Jesus are playing golf. Moses selects a five iron and tees off. His ball lands in the lake.

It's Jesus' turn. "Tiger Woods would use this," he says, grabbing a five iron.

"But my shot ended up in the lake!" Moses protests. "You should use a four iron."

"Nope. Tiger would use a five."

So Jesus swings hard - and hits the ball into the lake. He's walking on the water looking for it when a man approaches.

"Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?" the man asks.

"No," Moses explains. "He is Jesus. He thinks he's Tiger Woods."

(April Reader's Digest)
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 2:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Bear

A Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape.

The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You don't see this every day.
http://www.thejmason.com/Forum%20Pix/YOU_DONT_SEE_THIS_EVERY_DAY.mpg
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JBMason
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Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 387
Location: Lexington KY

PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is a NEW RULE posted in the "cartoon crap" topic which will also be applied here (and everywhere else under my control).

The previous entry in this very topic (with the MPG hyperlink) is to be strongly applauded for following the new rule before it was even created.

THANKS!
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, Just lock em.
or delete as you please. I am removing the onest that are too long right now
Dad
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 11:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The ultimate Rube Goldberg device.
http://www.chilloutzone.de/files/07022502.html
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JBMason
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 12:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dad wrote:
The ultimate Rube Goldberg device.


Thumbs up!!
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 12:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you like Dave Barry here are 14 pearls of wisdom.

http://www.lucidcafe.com/library/pearls.html
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:29 am    Post subject: Amazing Cat Reply with quote

Amazing Cat

I received this as an email, but uploaded it to to my server for when our dial up friends get some broadband access.
http://www.thejmason.com/Interesting/cat-with-fork.wmv
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hloaroo



Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 68

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dad wrote:
If you like Dave Barry here are 14 pearls of wisdom.


I love Dave Barry! Thanks for the link!
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JBMason
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I strongly doubt that the source of those quotes was Dave Barry. One sees a lot of random crap on the web which has been attributed to Andy Rooney or Kurt Vonnegut or Dave Barry, but none of it has any kind of link to the source material. The reason you never see that link is that it is total garbage, pulled out of the trash cans of Grand Central Station.

Similarly, if you get an email from Bill Gates which tells you how to claim your big Microsoft money, know for certain that Bill Gates did not write it.
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brett, you make a good point. While the "14 Pearls" are good wisdom, Dave Barry is a HUMOR columnist and drops FUNNY pearls when he drops them. I have read Dave Barry's pearls of wisdom, somewhere easily provable, like Reader's Digest or one of his Miami Herald columns or one of his books... one or two from the afore-linked list MAY have been his, but certainly not all 14. Thus the reason to post under "email CRAP"...
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hloaroo



Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 68

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JBMason wrote:
I strongly doubt that the source of those quotes was Dave Barry.


According to www.snopes.com, Dave Barry wrote something like that but it's been changed a bit as it traveled around the email world. For the record, entries #1 and #7 are not his. Also, Dave called gossip the "most powerful" force, not the most destructive.

According to Dave Barry's website, the original list, as he wrote it, is called "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years" and can be found in the book Dave Barry Turns 50.
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