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gratuitous

 
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:06 pm    Post subject: gratuitous Reply with quote

During my conversation with ML. I learned that I have a problem with being gratuitous, (given or granted without return or recompense; unearned).

I had the Spanish preacher over to my house for dinner recently. I had learned that he had never had prime rib. I invited him, his wife, 3 children and his mother over to dinner. I served them prime rib, mashed potatoes with real butter, asparagus, yeast rolls, salad & Tiramisu for desert. I did this because I knew their financial status and I wanted them to enjoy a fine dinner. No other reason. They thanked me and that was it, it was never brought up again.

ML brought up the fact that they had exhibited gratuitousness. If they had brought the subject up again, it would have made me feel as if I was a boastful person and defeated the entire purpose of the evening. I need to to relearn this trait. To accept the only response needed, "thank you", and a reply of "you are welcome".
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emelle



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 463
Location: Hollywood, BABY!

PostPosted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 10:34 pm    Post subject: Re: gratuitous Reply with quote

Dad wrote:
ML brought up the fact that they had exhibited gratuitousness.

Since you've given the definition of gratuitous, I feel I must give the definition of gracious (favorable; kind; friendly; merciful; pleasing; proceeding from divine grace) as well as the definition of grace (charm; attractiveness; easy and refined motion, manners, etc.; favor...), because I never said anything about gratuity (...something given freely). What YOU did in serving the preacher's family that fine meal was GRATUITOUS but what we were talking about was your difficulty in being GRACIOUS. It is difficult for most people we encounter to be GRACIOUS; gratuity comes more easily, especially if the person "has" and thinks nothing of offering it. It's like when you pay someone an honest, immediate compliment. Do you tell them you like their haircut because you hope they'll notice you've lost weight? NO. If they respond with anything that counteracts their "thank you" then they've diminished your compliment. We as a society have learned too well how to reciprocate a compliment rather than GRACIOUSLY accepting it ("Thank you - I like it too") and as such, we've cheapened the complimenter. We do it with gifts as well. If you can afford to buy me lunch and you OFFER to buy me lunch, I will confirm the offer ONCE (to make sure you're not making the offer out of some obligation). If you offer again FREELY, then I have learned (finally) to GRACIOUSLY accept your offer with a "Thank You" and only reciprocate at a much later time when I feel I can do it GRATUITOUSLY. So there you go; my conversation with Daddy in a nutshell, but using additional words that we did not originally incorporate. Whew!
Comments, anyone, on your experiences with this?
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Dad



Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 188
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2009 12:20 pm    Post subject: Another encounter Reply with quote

Two of our musicians (husband & wife) are going to Australia. He is doing postgraduate work at one of their colleges. Since I know they have little resources I gave them some money. They said thank you and I said you are welcome. Which immediately made me think of this topic. My old responses would have demeaned their response. So I am trying to practice what I preach.
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